In his final years, after my grandmother had passed, I finally got up the nerve and told my grandfather that if he ever touched one of my kids that I would kill him with my bare hands. It was a very freeing moment. One of those that stands as a turning point in my life.
I'd hear the gun go off in my head a million times to try to prepare myself for what it might really sound like. I had fired a gun, I knew how loud it was. I imagined the kick back and the smell...I tried not to imagine the impact but it was really hard not to.